Mariàn Martínez

Your desire is gone. And you're not quite sure when it happened. At first, you didn't think much of it. It faded slowly. The frequency. The intensity. Today, if someone asked, you'd say: "I could live without sex." And the few times it does happen, it's so off that you don't even enjoy it. You think: what's the point. And that "what's the point" turns into weeks. Weeks into months. But be honest with yourself. There's a part of you that misses it. Not the sex itself. What was behind it. The connection. The desire. The woman you were when you had it. And time keeps passing.... And the more it passes, the more it feels like it's working against you. You wonder what happened. Because you used to be so passionate. Because this was so yours. Because there was a time when it was fun, spontaneous, alive. And now it's as if something caught a train. And left without warning. Let me tell you something. What hurts most isn't the lack of desire. It's that part of you that got lost along with it. And deep down you know: this isn't about age. Or how long you've been together. This has a solution. Only you can do it. And you want to fix it. The first step is learning to take care of yourself first. To put yourself first. I'm Marián Martínez. Sex Coach and Head of the European and Latin business of female sexual wellness brand Smile Makers. I used to come home at night exhausted from work and just want to sleep. I used to do the bare minimum with my partner in bed so he wouldn't get upset. And I felt terrible about it. I worked at Durex — the world's biggest sexual wellness brand — and had no desire for sex. (Very ironic, I know.) From the outside, I had it all. On the inside, I'd spent years being last on my own list. I managed, delivered, performed. And little by little, I disappeared inside my own life. When my last relationship ended and I found myself alone, I realized something that broke me: I had completely forgotten about myself. And the worst part was that if I didn't learn to consciously choose myself, I was going to repeat the same toxic pattern over and over again. That's when I decided I was done settling — in my personal life and my professional one. I started putting myself first, without guilt. And I got back something I thought was gone forever — my identity as a woman who doesn't betray herself. And since then, I enjoy my life every single day. Both in and out of the bedroom. If this resonates with you, and you're ready to start putting yourself first, send me a private message with the word "ANGELES."